How to Control Jealousy

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and one we all experience on some level.  No matter how jealous you get or what you get jealous over, learning to control it is the key to empowerment.

Post-Divorce Jealousy can stem from a few things.

  • Your ex spouse finding someone new and that person becoming a part of your children’s lives.
  • Your ex spouse living a better and more productive life than when they were living with you.
  • Your ex spouse thriving without you.

All of these things can bring out the green-eyed monster known as jealousy.

How you handle that jealousy is where it counts though.

  1. Do not tell your children they should not love your ex’s significant other.  It is hard when your kids like the new person in your ex’s life.  Think of it this way…children can never have enough people who love them.
  2. Do not say negative things about your ex’s new significant other.  Your children will repeat it, and it will cause issues between you and your ex when it comes to co-parentingOpens in a new tab..  You also do not want your kids to feel they are being disloyal when they form a relationship with your ex’s new partner.
  3. You are not in competition with your ex. There is no winner or prize at the finish line.  Look at the good things you have in your life since you have been divorced.
  4. Do not disparage the good things your ex has achieved since your divorce.  Look at your own achievements and pat yourself on the back for them.
  5. Do not bad mouth your ex to other’s regarding positive change.  It takes too much energy to hold that much anger inside.
  6. Think about what you have gained by being in this new found place in your life.  Freedom to think, choose and be who you are, which are all priceless.
  7. Use the jealousy to motivate yourself to achieve what you want to with your life.  Rechannel that negative energy into positive energy, after all, if your ex can do it, so can you.
  8. Remind yourself that no good will come out of being jealous.  It is an emotion, and when you feel it coming on, take a walk, practice deep breathing or write in a journal to rid yourself of those feelings.
  9. Find someone that you can vent your feelings to without repercussions.  Whether it is a parent, therapist, coach or friend, rid yourself of the feelings by communicating them, so you can then move on in a positive direction.
  10. Acknowledge, accept, empower and heal.  These four words are the best ways to deal with jealousy.

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