I’ve Fallen and I’m Getting Up

July 3, 2012 By 30 Comments

shattered and brokenNursery Rhymes, kids games and commercials keep running through my head. That is all I keep thinking about. I think about Ring Around the Rosie and falling down. I think about London Bridge and falling down. I think about Humpty Dumpty in a million pieces who couldn’t be put back together again. I think about that old lady who has fallen and can’t get up.

It’s so much easier to lie here in a million pieces, safe on the floor, where I am scattered about and kicked around every so often by people passing by.  How do I get up and take care of everything and everyone? I have done such a great job of pretending to be self-sufficient that people actually believe that I am, and now I can’t convince them that I need help.

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. I’m scared. I have two kids that stare at me every day in anticipation of what I’m going to say and do and wonder if today is going to be the day that I am going to say, we are going to be fine, everything is going to be fine. How do I convince them, when I am not convinced?

I am reaching down deep in my reserves looking for something I have never had, and hope to be able to find. It is independence and the ability to stand on my own without leaning to the right or the left and depend on someone else for the food on my table or the roof over my head. I have to show my children what it means to get back up and soldier on.

Self-care, self-love, self-preservation.

Things I have rarely practiced in my life I now have to learn.

Self-reliance, self-respect, self-regard.

Things I need to start to do for myself because they are not only necessary but they are needed.

Self-assured, self-image, self-esteem.

Things I need to have in order to succeed on this new scary journey of independence and getting up.

Self-made, self-taught, self-improved, self-worth.

Things I am going to have from now on.

I have fallen and as scared as I am I am getting up, slowly but surely, I am getting up and putting myself back together again.


Filed Under: Advice and Opinion, Empowerment 30 Comments
Lee Brochstein About Lee Brochstein

Lee Brochstein is a certified professional divorce coach, blogger, a well-known author and a nationally known expert from her appearances on television and radio talk shows. She enjoys alliteration, Mad Men, Big Bang, mixed breeds, vanilla lattes, red wine and her kids when they aren’t killing each other. Follow her on twitter and Facebook.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1136847328 Mikalee Byerman

    Beautiful post, Lee — I think we all need a whole boatload more of most of the things you mention (self-worth, self-regard, self-assurance), so it’s inspiring to see someone so strong and resilient shouting it from the rooftops!
    :)

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thank you, Mikalee. I appreciate that so much. It was a tough post and I am trying to write…you know…..

  • http://twitter.com/MamaHasSnacks Carinn Jade

    Oh boy do I get this. I’ve never gone through the actual legal divorce, but my husband and I were separated for awhile and in any event we both had to mourn the loss of our marriage. I am thankful that we were able to pick up the pieces and still come together, but the end result doesn’t make the process any simpler. I’ve been on that floor right there with you.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      We did the separation thing for a while as well, and that is almost as hard, because you don’t know how it will turn out…that unknown is what is so hard. Thanks for stopping by.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Carriemomville Carrie Sieffert

    What a heartwrenching post. I can only imagine how hard it is to get back up after such a detour. But you are very brave to “soldier on”. I hope your pieces come back together stronger than what they were before.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thanks, Carrie. I’m working on it! Every day is better.

  • Melisa @ justbeginfromhere.com

    What a powerful post! My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and I can still remember seeing the pain and worry in my mother’s eyes. I used to ask her if I was the one making her cry. And though I am happily married to the love of my life, I have had my own times of self-doubt, lacking so much in self-love, self-worth, etc. All the things you mention! Thank you for saying what so many of us feel.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thank you Melissa for pointing out that it’s not just those of us going through divorce that feel this way. So many people stay away from my site because of the name of the site, but the truth is, it’s not just about divorce…it’s about life.

  • http://twitter.com/greatersafety PlaceofGreaterSafety

    I loved your “self” list. Some words to mull over for my own vocabulary.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thank you! We all need those words, now if I could just believe them daily!!

  • http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/ SisterhoodoftheSensibleMoms

    This was a lovely, heart-breaking piece that came to a powerful crescendo at the end. I loved the rhythm of your “self’s” and the hope and strength they conveyed. Ellen

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thank you Ellen. I wasn’t sure where it was going to go, whether it was going to end up or down…so, I was pretty glad that it ended up, because these days, it could have gone either way!

  • IASoupMama

    I really like the call and response of the self-self-self and things at the end. It feels almost tribal, like you should be dancing around a fire and chanting. Very cool post!

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      LOL! Thank you. I am doing a voo doo dance maybe!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1027655659 Joseph Cereola

    When I got divorced it seem like the world was ending, but it didn’t. With time, the haze cleared and I feel normal again.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Hi Joseph. Every day it does clear some. Sometimes though with every step forward I feel like I’m being pushed back 10. I am just ready to move the f@!* on!

  • Greg

    It’s interesting: I think this goes both ways. Prior to my divorce I always felt those things: self-reliance, self-respect, and self-preservation. I lost them all for at least 6 months afterwards. I felt empty and worthless and abandoned. But instead I started to rely on friends and even strangers more than I ever had before, and that made all the difference. I was able to lean on their strength and faith in me when I felt none. So strangely enough my journey has been more about learning to reach out to others for help when I’m feeling down or weak, and less about depending on myself. “Your results may vary.” :)

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Great point, Greg! I never felt that way in any of my marriages..isn’t that so telling. Tells a lot about me anyway! THERAPY! I NEED THERAPY!!

  • http://twitter.com/lisalisathom Lisa Thomson

    Excellent post, Lee. It is your Independence Day!

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thanks, Lisa. It’s my something day!

  • Dawn Beronilla

    The part that really hit me hard was when you said
    ”
    It’s so much easier to lie here in a million pieces, safe on the floor, where I am scattered about and kicked around every so often by people passing by. How do I get up and take care of everything and everyone? I have done such a great job of pretending to be self-sufficient that people actually believe that I am, and now I can’t convince them that I need help.”
    It is so powerful. Great job, Lee.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thank you, Dawn! It is so true though. I convinced everyone that I am so self-sufficient and then when I cry out to help they just look at me like I’m nuts…and maybe I am.

  • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

    I’m glad you linked up and got this all out in the open…maybe it’s time to start a new blog?

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Gah! Who has time for THAT! And what would I call it? And then I would have to find people to read it! OY!!!!!

  • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

    ps I LOVE YOU!! xoxooxoxox

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      I love you!

  • http://twitter.com/ashleytaylor76 The Dose of Reality

    Beautiful post. Absolutely so well-written.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

      Thanks! I appreciate it!

  • Roberto

    Lee – great post. Thank you for sharing. Here, if I may, I thought for you: while change is inevitable, the ones you can control are usually pretty positive. Best of luck in your quest and…keep posting :)

  • Richard

    Tough to read, but great article!