5 Steps to Throw the Perfect Pity Party After Divorce

pity partyNot everyday is a good day, especially after divorce. Maybe it’s a weekend or a day when your kids aren’t around or you had a run-in with your ex or you just can’t get it together. Don’t beat yourself up, we all have bad days, and it’s okay to have them. The trick is to have them the right way.

You didn’t know there was a right and a wrong way to have a bad day?  Don’t fear, because I’m going to coach you on how to throw the perfect pity party. In fact, it is so perfect, that when you are through with this party, you might even want to go out and attend a real party with balloons and streamers and dancing, that’s how good you are going to feel afterwards!

How to Throw The Perfect Pity Party

  1. Treats and Goodies. The first step is to make sure your house is stocked full of treats and goodies.  Dieting? Forget it for this one day, because for this party, you need to allow yourself to indulge and allow yourself to be sad. Go to the store and get all the junk food you adore and don’t forget the wine and the tissues. While you are out, run by the video store pick and up your favorite ‘cry me a river’ movies. For instance, mine are Terms of Endearment and Beaches.
  2. No RSVP’S. This is a pity party for one. I realize it is fun to dump on your friends and family and cry on their shoulders, but a true pity party must be done alone. Why? Because the best way to think about where you are and take the time you need to feel sorry for yourself is to be alone. Yes, being alone is scary and, well, lonely, but think of this as a time of healing. Sometimes it’s cathartic to be by ourselves and when we feel as if we need to throw ourselves a party to celebrate our dumpiness, then we also need to take that time to listen to what our hearts, head, body and soul are going to be telling us over the course of the affair, so keep an open mind and maybe a journal handy as well.
  3. Casual Attire. No pity party is complete without a pair of your most comfy sweats and extra large tee shirt or your most favorite pair of PJs and socks. You don’t have to get dressed, brush your hair, brush your teeth or wash your face. In fact, you don’t even have to get out of bed if you don’t want to. This day is yours to stay in and stay comfortable.
  4.  Unplug and Unwind. This is so important for a pity party to work. You MUST unplug from Twitter, Facebook, email, your iPhone and Google. No one, and I mean NO ONE wants to read pity tweets or see Facebook pity updates. Trust me. It’s not only not pretty, when you do feel better, and you will feel better, you then have to relive how you felt by explaining to everyone why you felt so bad to begin with, and why put yourself through that? So, just unplug, you’ll live without electronic media for one day, trust me.
  5. Permission to Indulge. This is one of those times where the diet needs to be thrown out the window and the exercise plan should be shoved under the bed. Give yourself permission to indulge in ice cream, wine or lazing about. If you eat a carb, it’s okay. If you want to sit all day in a bubble bath and listen to sappy country and western songs while crying your eyes out, go for it. This is your party and you can cry if you want to.

As you know, all things must come to an end, so when the tears stop flowing and the wine bottle is empty the pity party must come to an end. Pick yourself up and brush yourself off because it is a new day and it is time for a new outlook. Take a deep breath, face the day with a smile and have faith that you made it through another dark time and came out the other side.

As Lucy Lawless says,  “Happiness is a choice. You grieve, you stomp your feet, you pick yourself up and choose to be happy.”

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Lee Brochstein About Lee Brochstein

Lee Brochstein is a certified professional divorce coach, blogger, a well-known author and a nationally known expert from her appearances on television and radio talk shows. She enjoys alliteration, Mad Men, Big Bang, mixed breeds, vanilla lattes, red wine and her kids when they aren’t killing each other. Follow her on twitter and Facebook.

  • http://www.misssrobin.blogspot.com/ Misssrobin

    May I use these tips to throw myself a pity party while just comtemplating divorce?  They sound so nice!

    Stopping by from SITS.

    • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com LeeBlock

       Of course! I’m sorry you are contemplating though…If you ever need to chat, I’m your gal. And thanks for stopping by!

  • http://divorcestatistics.org/ Statistics of Divorce

    In fact throwing a partying is really good idea as it will help you to come out from divorce trauma. Moreover it will help you to start fresh life.