Divorce: No Stigma - Just Four Rs

Even though over half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce, there is still a negative stigma that surrounds those who are divorced. The ideas that have been instilled in society that people who are divorced lack commitment and should feel shame and guilt need to be thrown out. There is no stigma in being divorced – instead, it should be considered an exciting period of rebirth.

And so, instead of focusing on the negative, for best results, we should view divorce as opportunity. And that’s where the Four Rs come in — they signify opportunity for Reinvention, Renewal, Re-singling and Redefinition.

In order to change the views surrounding divorce, we first need to change our mindset from the negative to the positive. The truth is divorce is nothing more than not being married anymore. It is a time when your life comes full circle from before marriage to being married to being single again. Everything happens for a reason, and the reason for coming full circle via the divorce track could be because you needed a test of emotional strength and to gain wisdom or it could be so you can experience the four Rs of divorce.

Reinvention

How often do we have an opportunity to completely reinvent ourselves? Divorce affords us that chance because we are reborn with a clean slate. This is a time in your life where you can remember the dreams you had before marriage and follow them. Think back to the things you wanted to do and be and make a bucket list. Now that you are reborn, follow the path that will allow you to achieve everything on that list.

Write out a vision plan for what you want your future to look like. Take the time you need to figure out who you are, what you want and follow your dreams. The sky is the limit and there is nothing holding you back from achieving a complete reinvention of who you are on the inside, and even the outside, if that is your goal. Rebirth is the mother of all reinvention and one of the four Rs in divorce.

Renewal

Renewal follows rebirth. You renew your outlook on life, love and happiness. You renew your spirit, mind and body. You renew your friendships and your relationships with your children and your family. You renew yourself. This is the time when you cleanse yourself of all the toxins and bloom with your face pointing up toward the sun.

There are some key ways to find renewal, especially when the stress of raising children as a single parent has come into play. Take time to do your favorite thing, whether it is reading a book or taking a hot bath. Go and exercise or meditate. Spoil yourself with moments of peace throughout the day. Each of these times you give yourself to be centered, the takeaway is feeling refreshed and, more importantly, renewed to face the day with a smile on your face and peace in your heart.

Re-singled

Before you were married, you were single. Now that you are no longer married you are “re-singled.” This is where you have come full circle in the life that you were meant to lead. This is the equation your life has taken; single + married + divorce = re-singled. Don’t define yourself as being divorced, which has negative connotations; instead, consider yourself re-singled.

It is so important to remember for this R of divorce that divorce simply means you are no longer married. This is a foundation principle in redefinition. You need to think of yourself in a positive way and realize that there is nothing wrong with being re-singled — it is an empowering opportunity in life.

Redefinition

The last of the four R’s of divorce is redefinition. This encompasses every single aspect of life as well as re-singled, reinvention and renewal. Redefining how you think as a re-singled individual will make a huge difference in your healing process. Redefining how you feel about yourself will allow you to love the you that you want to be. Redefining will allow you to become the you that you love again.

It is not unusual when you are married that you lose who you are in that unit. Being re-singled gives you the opportunity to redefine yourself back into a “you” from a “we.” When you make a decision for yourself and your family as a re-single, you will not only feel empowered, but you will feel unstoppable and capable. Redefine your thinking to realize your own greatness and embrace that greatness.

The four R’s in divorce are the cornerstone of who we each want to become and who we once were. It is not often that we get afforded the opportunity to change our inner being into that person we always knew we were or want to be.

Remember, rebirth equals Four Rs — Renewal, Reinvention, Redefinition and being Re-singled. Remember also that rebirth is beautiful.