There are so many second wives and bonus moms out there. You take care of other women’s children for the husband that you married. The responsibilities of being a second wife are much harder than that of the first wife, because you so much more baggage to deal with than the first wife.
What happens when the first wife is difficult and makes your life a living hell? How do you handle it? I recently wrote about the Second Wife Syndrome, and thought it only fair to look at the other side of the coin. The First Wife Syndrome is similar to the Second Wife Syndrome, but the tables are turned.
The first wife tries to make it virtually impossible for the second wife to have a relationship with the children and also tries to insert herself into her now ex-husbands marriage. The first wife is outraged that the man she didn’t want or that left her is now happy and married peacefully. For those of you second wives that have to deal with the First Wife Syndrome, I have a letter that you can use as well.
Dear First Wife,
I realize you are angry and bitter and I am sorry for that, but you let him go/ran him off. You couldn’t have thought that he was going to alone forever, did you? He is a great catch and if you had opened your eyes and been a supportive and decent person to him, you might still be married. I want to thank you for not opening your eyes, because now he is mine. I also need to thank you, because of the hell you put him through he grew and learned and is a different better person now.
He is loving and kind and we have a wonderful life. Oh, and your children you share are also wonderful. We have such a good time together, despite the things you say about me to them. Yes, they do tell me. Why wouldn’t they? We are very close.
You think you can hurt us by demanding more and more child support. It makes us stronger as a couple, but why don’t you get off your ass and get a job? After all, my job is helping to support you, isn’t it time for you to put on the big girl panties and support yourself? I don’t think we should be putting clothes on your back or food in your mouth.
And, talking bad about us to the children. Well, that is just plain stupid. Eventually you will run them off, because you have some really smart kids and they will see through your façade of caring and leave you. Remember, what goes around comes around, and your time is coming near.
No matter how many times you call, text or email you won’t drive a wedge between my husband and me because we are strong. We love each other. You should be happy that he is happy. But, you are too mired in your own bitterness to notice.
I actually don’t hate you, but I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you can’t move on, even though you moved on when you moved out. I feel sorry for you that you can’t look at how lucky you are to have children that are loved when they are with their father. I feel sorry for you that you refuse to accept the happiness that you gave to your ex when you gave him up. I just feel sorry for you.
Do me a favor? Quit asking the children what we feed them and how often. I am a mother too and I know how to take care of kids and trust me when I tell you they are treated as well as my own. Quit making our lives miserable because you can’t stand to see happiness and joy.
Let’s just call it a day and stop pretending. I tried to get to know you, but you made it impossible and since you have been so nasty, I no longer have that desire anymore.
I hope you find someone who will make you happy, but unfortunately, I don’t think that will happen.
By the way, we are picking up the kids at our usual time. You don’t have to pack a bag for them, we have everything they need at our house.
The Better Wife
For all Better Wives, feel free to use this letter.