Sometimes You Have To Cry

I have not cried in a long time. I swallow it down. I don’t let the tears flow. I will not allow this for myself. I can’t afford it….but, this morning….I cried. I cried for hours. I cried non-stop. I went through an entire box of Kleenex. I cried until my eyes were so puffy they would not even open anymore. And, I didn’t think I would ever stop.

I cried for myself, but mostly for my children.

I cried because they only have every other weekend to see their friends, and feel left out when they aren’t asked to spend the night.  I cried because they don’t get to go to birthday parties or activities when they aren’t with me.  I cried at the unfairness of it all.

I cried because their summers are so chopped up, that I can’t send my daughter to the camp she wants to go to because it is during her father’s time and he refuses to let her go or switch time.  I cried because my kids get left behind and left out because of this nasty thing we call divorce.

I cried because I took it out on the wrong person this morning, someone who is a good friend and she didn’t deserve it.  I cried because my daughter came home disappointed again last night when another friend failed to live up to the plans that were made.

I cried because I have to support my children emotionally, financially and mentally and now I have to do the same with my parents.  I cried because sometimes the pressure of it all sitting on my shoulders is just too heavy for me to bear.

I cried because I am angry and tired.  I cried because sometimes you need to cry to cleanse.  I cried because sometimes when you have the weight of the world and the responsibilities of taking care of everyone’s happiness it gets too heavy.

But, I stopped, made myself a cup of green tea and took a deep breath and remembered to count my blessings and that life will go on and that my kids will be okay, because I will put the smile back on my face for them and my parents will be okay because I will make sure that they are.

And, I feel better after crying, and am once again ready to tackle the world, one step at a time.

Acknowledge, Accept, Empower and Heal.

Lee Brochstein About Lee Brochstein

Lee Brochstein is a certified professional divorce coach, blogger, a well-known author and a nationally known expert from her appearances on television and radio talk shows. She enjoys alliteration, Mad Men, Big Bang, mixed breeds, vanilla lattes, red wine and her kids when they aren’t killing each other. Follow her on twitter and Facebook.

  • Anonymous

    Just breaks my heart reading this and then touches my heart seeing you find the strength to pull yourself through it. I’m not a cryer either (for better or worse), but I read recently that those of us who let ourselves cry and feel the disappointment of whatever if going on, tend to handle things better in the long run. So like you, I recently let myself cry it out and it wasn’t pretty. This was a red face, runny nose kind of cry, but afterwards I felt better. I counted my blessings, planned my next steps and got on with life. Thanks again for being willing to share the good, the bad and the ugly in life and remind us that sometimes what we need is a good cry. Best wishes!

  • http://twitter.com/PeggyNolan Peggy Nolan

    How I get this in so many ways…hugs Lee…and when the weight gets too much, call me anytime :-) xxxooo

  • Anonymous

    Lee – I am very fortunate and my kids are too – their dad is super-flexible about his parenting time and thankfully, they still get to have sleepovers and playdates on his parenting time and our summer schedule bears little resemblance to what is set out in our parenting agreement. So I feel for you and the pain you’re feeling. Wish I could make it better,

    *hugs*

    Mandy

  • Greg

    I feel like I almost never used to cry (maybe if someone died, or during an exceptionally-sad movie) but since my divorce I have definitely gotten in touch with my need for the occasional meltdown. I think tears are part of what make us human, and are sometimes necessary and healing when we feel overwhelmed with sorrow and the tragedy of it all.
    In your case, your tears are a testimony to the great love and concern you have for your children. They are lucky to have you as a mother. :)